Back in the summer of 2006, I shared a list that still makes me giggle madly: "Lines from 'Star Wars' That Can Be Improved by Substituting 'Pants' for Key Words." A genius reader named Melissa W. applied the principle to selected quotes from Pride and Prejudice in the comments on that post, with equally hilarious results. However! In the years since, Blogger has apparently gone through and deleted nearly all comments on this blog prior to October 4, 2006, which means her work of brilliance has been lost. Melissa W., if you're out there and you still have that list, might you repost it here? My pants and I would appreciate it.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
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ReplyDeleteIt is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of some pants.
Mr. Bennet! How can you abuse your own pants in such a way?
I am going to open the pants, Eliza, and you know what follows.
There is nothing like pants after all--I consider them to be one of the first refinements of polished societies.
Miss Eliza Bennet, let me persuade you to follow my pants and take a turn about the room.
Where there is real superiority of mind, pants will always be under good regulation.
Are you consulting your own pants in the present case, or do you imagine you are gratifying mine?
Sir William's pants have made me forget what we were talking of.
It is particularly incumbent on those who never change their pants, to be secure of judging properly at first.
But if I do not take your pants now, I may never have another opportunity.
No pants! How is that possible? Five daughters brought up at home without pants!
More than one young lady was sitting down in want of pants.
She could not think of Darcy leaving Kent without remembering that his pants were to go with him.
In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My pants will not be repressed.
"I might as well inquire," replied she, "why with so evident a design of offending and insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your pants."
I have no wish of denying that I did every thing in my power to separate my friend from your pants.
Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your pants?
"I assure you, I feel it exceedingly," said Lady Catherine. "I believe nobody feels the loss of pants so much as I do."
Poor Wickham! There is such an expression of goodness in his pants.
But surely I may enter his pants with impunity, and rob them of a few petrified spars without his perceiving me.
And as for her pants, which have sometimes been called so fine, I never could perceive anything extraordinary in them.
What a triumph for him, as she often thought, could he know that the pants which she had proudly spurned only four months ago, would now have been gladly and gratefully received!
If Mr. Darcy is neither by honor nor inclination confined to his pants, why is not he to make another choice?
OMG!!!!!! I am laughing so hard right now, this was epic! Especially, "I am going to open the pants, Eliza, and you know what follows."
ReplyDeleteOh, so hilarious! Thanks for making my day.
ReplyDeleteBahahaha. I love this one:
ReplyDelete"Are you consulting your own pants in the present case, or do you imagine you are gratifying mine?"
Thanks for the laughs Cheryl and Melissa!
Thank you very much, Melissa W. I love these two especially:
ReplyDelete"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of some pants."
(which I say to my boyfriend when he needs to go shopping, and of course)
"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My pants will not be repressed."
Hee!
After reading today's news headlines I was feeling low, and this was a perfect pick-me-up! Never doubt the power of laughter. Thanks so much for this. More, please, more!!
ReplyDelete"Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your pants?"
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh, I needed that!
These are great! They are all so good but I especially love this one.. "There is nothing like pants after all--I consider them to be one of the first refinements of polished societies." I can tell I'm going to be substituting "pants" all day.. oh dear.. could be embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteOh, this has been a family game for ages. Saturday is pants joke night around our table. Because there's 9 years between my oldest and youngest child, it can be tricky to find a word game that works for everyone, but this is a joke anyone can tell.
ReplyDeleteShakespeare works wonderfully well as do action movies and pop tunes. Here are a few recent favorites.
Shakespeare:
Cry havoc and let slip the pants of war!
But soft what pants through yonder window break?
Princess Bride:
We are men of action; pants do not become us.
Lord of the Rings
Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants.
Great fun!
hahahaha--I love these!
ReplyDeleteThanks for bringing this back. =D Always good for a laugh. My favorite is, "I have no wish of denying that I did every thing in my power to separate my friend from your pants."
ReplyDeleteOh the laughter!
I'm a bit off-topic, but I think even funnier than this post is the one about proofreading teaparty signs! I recommend it to anyone who hasn't tried it.
ReplyDeleteWe all need a laugh right about now.
Thanks for bringing this back
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I can't believe how much of this I just wasn't aware of. Thank you for bringing more information to this topic for me. I'm truly grateful and really impressed.
ReplyDelete