Sunday, March 05, 2006

Oscar Liveblog, Part II: The Hour with Energy

  • Jon Stewart looks a little nervous here, but he’s warming up.
  • Okay, he needs to lose the self-consciousness.
  • Matt Dillon + a certain smile he has = Jim Carrey’s long-lost brother
  • George Clooney—oh, I had that, then I changed it. “I’m proud to be out of touch with mainstream America.” What a doll.
  • I would pick Reese Witherspoon to play me in the film of my biography because she seems like the only blonde in Hollywood type-A enough to understand the character.
  • Woo, “Wallace and Gromit”! I must have some cheese.
  • Now I feel compelled to cast the rest of my biographical film. Katy: Selma Blair? No, Selma Blair is always the bitchy brunette friend, and Katy deserves better than that. I will have to think about this one. Rachel: Naomi Watts. Ben: Joaquin Phoenix, or maybe Luke Wilson or Ralph Fiennes. My mother: Frances McDormand. My father: Dennis Quaid, just to please my mother. My sister: Kirsten Dunst. Melissa Anelli: Kate Winslet. Ted: Owen Wilson (the smart side of him, and with longer hair). Jimmy: Tony Leung. My grandmother: Judi Dench. My grandfather: Jack Nicholson. (Y’all can feel free to chime in and suggest your own.)
  • How old is Dolly Parton? Goodness, 60. And still fabulous, though that pantsuit isn’t.
  • They are clicking right through this show—on “Best Costume Design” already.
  • Katy: Drew Barrymore, with dark hair and more brains. There we go.
  • The makeup design winner just cited “Where the Wild Things Are” as a formative influence. Good man.
  • Ooh, Rachel Weisz could play Katy. This is just going to dominate my thinking for the rest of the night.
  • “The Constant Gardener” was a fantastic film. It deserved more recognition tonight than it’s getting.


  1. Who would Keira Knightley play?

  2. She can play my friend Ginny. They both have amazing cheekbones.

  3. At first, I wanted to be Chow Yun-Fat, but thought more about it and decided that Tony Leung isn't such a bad choice. Nevertheless, Chow Yun-Fat is probably cooler, but I'm OK with that.

    On a more frivolous note, I'd be thrilled to be in the same movie (or at least have my proxy be in the same movie) as Reese Witherspoon, Keira Knightley and Kirsten Dunst.

  4. I thought about Chow Yun-Fat for you too, but I always picture him with that terrible monk's haircut from "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," and you deserved better hair than that.

  5. Yes. Bad hair is a bad thing.

  6. Your take nails it except for Dolly Parton. She's had so much plastic surgery, she looks like a grotesque. The face! the mouth! Don't you think the mouth looks like something out of Batman?
    The character Nicholson played?

    But she's down to earth. Did you hear what she said to Joan Rivers--"Darling, that was when I was a B cup. The only part of me that is real any more is my heart."

  7. And see, I think that honesty, sense of humor, and undeniable energy and talent redeem the fact that she's nipped and tucked within an inch of her life. I hope I'm that awesome when I'm 60.