Sunday, September 25, 2011

Knock Knock. Who's There? 33 Years. 33 Years Who?


Okay, so that punch line isn't really funny. But 33 years did indeed come knocking for me on Thursday, and in lieu of birthday gifts, I solicited jokes on Twitter, promising one random respondent a copy of Second Sight. Today I compiled all the jokes here and asked for a random number between 1 and 29 on Twitter, and @Knockknockjoan (appropriately enough) replied with "14." So the 14th person on this list won the book -- congratulations, Kerry O'Malley Cerra!

The jokes, for your enjoyment:

  • Heather Hoag --Knock knock... Doctor... hahahahahahahahahhahahah *nerd joke*
  • Mardou Ledger -- Knock knock! Who's there? Says! Says who? Says me, that's who! 
  • Laurie Taddonio -- Where does the king keep his army? Up his sleevy.
  • Joanna Marple -- TEACHER: How many books have you read in your lifetime? PUPIL: I don't know. I'm not dead yet.  
  • Michael Northrop -- Why did the bicycle fall over?
  • Lindsey Billingsley -- Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
  • Sarah Bewley -- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
  • gail shepherd -- What is a superhero's favorite part of a joke? The PUNCH line!
  • Emily Chapman -- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says "I've lost an electron." "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!"
  • Marilee Haynes -- What did the taco say to the burrito? Where have you bean?
  • Karen Rivers -- Q: How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: But why do we have to change it? (stolen from ) Editor's Note (literally): This was especially pertinent as Karen was in the middle of a revision for me when she sent this (which has now been turned in, yay her!). For my own list of writing/editorial lightbulb jokes (with agents in the comments), click here.
  • tk read -- Stephen Hawking’s latest book about anti-gravity is so good - you can’t put it down.
  • Sara Danver -- There are two muffins in an oven. One turns to the other and says man it's hot in here. The other screams Ahh a talking muffin!!
  • Kerry O'Malley Cerra -- Q: What did one hot dog say to the other? A: "Hi, Frank."
  • Kellye Crocker -- What's brown and sticky? A stick!
  • Emily Jones -- What did the hot dog say as he crossed the finish line? I'm the wiener! 
  • Pat Zietlow Miller -- What did the salad say to the refrigerator? "Close the door, I'm dressing!"
  • Kevin Lohman -- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving may not be for you. 
  • Susan Adrian -- Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting co--- MOOOOOOOOO. 
  • D Morrow -- How do you catch a unique rabbit? You 'neak up on it. How do you catch a *tame*, unique rabbit? Da tame way. You 'neak up on it.
  • Christina McTighe -- Have you heard about the new pirate movie coming out? It's rated AAAARRRRGGHHHHHH!!!!
  • Jennifer Clark Estes -- Knock, knock! Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it's raining out here!
  • Lindsey Alexander -- Knock, knock. Who's there? To. To who? To WHOM! Happy birthday!
  • Melissa Fox -- Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who? No... To *Whom*. (stolen from )
  • Jess Morrison -- The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
  • Erin Thomas -- Knock knock - Who's there? - Under - Under who? - Underwear! (It's a hit with the grade 3 crowd)
  • Philipp Goedicke -- Why do elephants lay on their backs with their feet in the air? To trip the birds.
  • Janet Reid -- Q: What is a twack? A: A twack is what a twain wuns on. 
  • Lisa Schroeder -- Knock knock? Who's there? Botany. Botany who? Botany good books lately?
Thanks very much to all the kind joke tellers. And if you kind blog readers have great jokes of your own, I'd love to hear them in the comments!


  1. Loved the jokes. Brown and sticky, indeed. :D

    My joke: Two men walk into a bar. The one turns to the other. "You didn't see it either?"

  2. How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll?
    We don't know - it's never been done!