Okay, so that punch line isn't really funny. But 33 years did indeed come knocking for me on Thursday, and in lieu of birthday gifts, I solicited jokes on Twitter, promising one random respondent a copy of Second Sight. Today I compiled all the jokes here and asked for a random number between 1 and 29 on Twitter, and @Knockknockjoan (appropriately enough) replied with "14." So the 14th person on this list won the book -- congratulations, Kerry O'Malley Cerra!
The jokes, for your enjoyment:
- heatherhoag Heather Hoag --Knock knock... Doctor... hahahahahahahahahhahahah *nerd joke*
- MardouLedger Mardou Ledger -- Knock knock! Who's there? Says! Says who? Says me, that's who!
- LaurieTaddonio Laurie Taddonio -- Where does the king keep his army? Up his sleevy.
- JoannaMarple Joanna Marple -- TEACHER: How many books have you read in your lifetime? PUPIL: I don't know. I'm not dead yet.
Michael Northrop -- Why did the bicycle fall over?
- lindseybilly Lindsey Billingsley -- Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
- WPAdmirer Sarah Bewley -- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
- gailshepherd gail shepherd -- What is a superhero's favorite part of a joke? The PUNCH line!
- eachapm Emily Chapman -- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says "I've lost an electron." "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!"
- mgwritermhaynes Marilee Haynes -- What did the taco say to the burrito? Where have you bean?
- karenrivers Karen Rivers -- Q: How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: But why do we have to change it? (stolen from http://bit.ly/nDcwx6) Editor's Note (literally): This was especially pertinent as Karen was in the middle of a revision for me when she sent this (which has now been turned in, yay her!). For my own list of writing/editorial lightbulb jokes (with agents in the comments), click here.
- tkread tk read -- Stephen Hawking’s latest book about anti-gravity is so good - you can’t put it down.
- notthemessenger Sara Danver -- There are two muffins in an oven. One turns to the other and says man it's hot in here. The other screams Ahh a talking muffin!!
- KerryOCerra Kerry O'Malley Cerra -- Q: What did one hot dog say to the other? A: "Hi, Frank."
- kelcrocker Kellye Crocker -- What's brown and sticky? A stick!
- emilylenajones Emily Jones -- What did the hot dog say as he crossed the finish line? I'm the wiener!
- PatZMiller Pat Zietlow Miller -- What did the salad say to the refrigerator? "Close the door, I'm dressing!"
- kevinonamac Kevin Lohman -- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving may not be for you.
- susan_adrian Susan Adrian -- Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting co--- MOOOOOOOOO.
- 3boysandbooks D Morrow -- How do you catch a unique rabbit? You 'neak up on it. How do you catch a *tame*, unique rabbit? Da tame way. You 'neak up on it.
- LaFabuliste Christina McTighe -- Have you heard about the new pirate movie coming out? It's rated AAAARRRRGGHHHHHH!!!!
- JenniferCEstes Jennifer Clark Estes -- Knock, knock! Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it's raining out here!
Lindsey Alexander -- Knock, knock. Who's there? To. To who? To WHOM!
#editinghumor Happy birthday!
Melissa Fox -- Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who? No... To *Whom*. (stolen from
- earthwards Jess Morrison -- The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
- erinlthomas Erin Thomas -- Knock knock - Who's there? - Under - Under who? - Underwear! (It's a hit with the grade 3 crowd)
- PGoedi Philipp Goedicke -- Why do elephants lay on their backs with their feet in the air? To trip the birds.
- Janet_Reid Janet Reid -- Q: What is a twack? A: A twack is what a twain wuns on.
- lisa_schroeder Lisa Schroeder -- Knock knock? Who's there? Botany. Botany who? Botany good books lately?