I've mentioned my fascination with Taylor Swift's songs before on this blog, and I'm going to ramble about her a little more tonight, because I think she's the greatest YA poet in pop culture these days: a lyrical writer who is able to go straight to some key teen-girl conflict or emotion and render it into evocative narrative form. (The "You Belong to Me" video is a practically perfect YA novel in three minutes and forty-eight seconds.) She also tends to affirm extremely traditional gender roles and standards of beauty -- cf. the focus on Daddy's approval in "Love Story," her losing the glasses in the last scene of the aforementioned video, and the general passivity of her protagonists/narrators -- but the pleasure of her storytelling makes up for the failure of her feminist politics for me at present. . . . Not all blonde female country stars can be the Dixie Chicks.
Anyway, the song of hers that's been rolling around my head lately is "Mine," as it's the one getting the most airplay these days on my Top 40 station (video linked there, full lyrics here). It has the typical Taylor Swift virtue of telling a complete three-act story in three verses and a bridge, including a big reversal in the final chorus, but there's more depth of characterization to it than in her previous songs; instead of being the perfect china doll waiting for the boy to claim her, the narrator's a "flight risk" whose family history makes her fight falling in love. Indeed, the line that keeps blowing me away in the song is this in the chorus, addressed to the man who changed her mind:
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
The thing that so impresses me about this line is that it implies four layers of relationship in those ten words:
- The daughter/narrator's relationship with her father -- her distrust of him because of the hurt he presumably caused her with his carelessness
- The daughter/narrator with her self -- her distrust of her father led her to become careful in reaction to his carelessness
- The daughter/narrator with the lover being addressed -- this guy loved her so much, and vice versa, that she changed her meticulous nature for him and became a rebel
- The daughter/narrator with the world -- and then she was better able to face the difficulties of the world because she had his love and that new rebellious spirit
This also made me think about elements of great fictional romances. This is something I've thought about a LOT, actually, going back to my passion for Jane Austen and Dorothy Sayers and Shakespeare's romantic comedies in high school and college, and my love for Jennifer Crusie and Georgette Heyer today. . . . One of the parts of the editorial job I like the best is that it lets me be a machinist for stories: I get to take them apart and see how they work. And when I do that with romances, I come up with this list of common elements.
(I also acknowledge the highly general, even stereotypical, gender roles discussed below; and I'll add that I think the most satisfying romances are those where these elements are used in the story of two highly distinct individuals who are on an equal footing in their relationship. Serious power imbalances in romances always make me really uneasy.)
- Moral education -- the other person makes you a better person . . . "completes you," to use the Jerry Maguire phrase (though I always preferred the thought that "Your true love isn't the person who completes you; it's the person who helps you complete yourself"). This is Emma, Pride & Prejudice, "As You Like It," Gaudy Night . . . all of the Rationalist romances I discuss at this link usually focus on moral education in some way.
- A change in someone's essential nature -- this is not only #3 in "Mine" above, it's what makes the Pemberley twist in P&P so great, when Elizabeth shows up at his house and Darcy seems like a completely different person: He loved her enough to reform his behavior and become a better man for her. I don't know if there IS a bigger female fantasy.
- Being wanted -- except, of course, just plain being desired. This is what happens at the climax of "Mine," where it turns out he's been thinking the exact same things she's been thinking about him all this time, and "You are the best thing that's ever been mine."
- Being the only one -- and the amplification of #3, being not just the wanted one, but the ONLY one EVER in the HISTORY of TIME who could inspire this love in the lover. This is one reason Twilight works, I think, because Bella is SO special to Edward and then Jacob in a way many people long for. . . . All the "soulmates" stuff plays on this too. It's interesting that many fantasies with male protagonists also feature this "only one" trope, but there it is foretold in a prophecy that the protagonist must save the world entire in some way. In other words, in female fantasies, women get to be special to one person; in male fantasies, the hero gets the adulation of the world.
- Being seen -- what "being wanted" often starts with: the look that recognizes you and your essential, deep-down worth, no matter how hidden. Cinderella stories are all based upon the premise of being seen; "You Belong with Me" is all about not being seen and then suddenly being revealed.
- Being in control -- For teenage girls especially, it's hugely empowering to be the one in control, the one saying "Yes" or "No" to the young man who's at your feet -- and he has to obey you. Especially potent in combination with sexuality, putting that decision-making power in a girl's hands.
- Breaking free -- On the other hand, if you've been controlled all your life, maybe being in love sets you free to be uncontrolled, as in "Mine" above. And rebellion is always sexy, at least in theory. (I think this is the way Wuthering Heights is supposed to work -- Heathcliff and Cathy breaking through the bonds of society and possibly sanity and death to be together -- but I respect that book more than I find it romantic.)
- Forbiddenness -- obviously. "Love Story" and also Twilight play off this.
- Separation -- I'm thinking of the delicious ache at the end of The Amber Spyglass and "Before Sunrise" here, how romantic it is that they can't be together.
- Death -- the ultimate separation. The 1970s Love Story book and film and Romeo and Juliet are both good examples.
- Being known -- Having someone who sees all of you, knows your history, and loves you anyway. (Or to quote "Mine": "You know my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded / You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes.")
- Being thought about -- Having someone who loves you enough to think through why you act the way you do, as in the lyrics quoted above, or who figures out something that will make you happy without being told what it is. Gifts that demonstrate knowledge/thought of the other person are always incredibly romantic.
- Sacrifice -- This goes back to #2, where Darcy changes his nature for Elizabeth, though it's perhaps better exemplified by the end of "Titanic," where Jack dies so Rose can live (again invoking #9): He loves her enough to give up _________ for her, whether his snobbery or his life. The O. Henry story "The Gift of the Magi" is a story where #11 makes it romantic, and #12 bittersweet.
(Actually, I can: The Queen of Attolia. But he still loves her first.)
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It's interesting that you bring up this post because, as a writer, I've been thinking about this.
ReplyDeleteI have lately been trying to incorporate more LGBT characters- it's not realistic to portray love without them. In breaking down your list of the components of romance, I can't help but wonder how WHO the two individuals in the relationship are influences which parts are used and which parts are emphasized more. How would the rules of romance change for LGBT characters or characters of a radically different culture? Does the setting influence this, too?
I really love your list- it puts it all into perspective and makes it easy to see where I'm going with my relationship plotlines.
And as far as a story where the female character sacrifices herself...I know that I know some...but when prompted...forget. I will have to get back to you. :)
Loved your analysis of Taylor Swift ... in particular her latest song (which I love!).
ReplyDeleteNona, I agree absolutely that the elements used in each individual story would be greatly influenced by the particulars of character, setting, and circumstances. Your question about LGBT romance is a good one I can't answer. . . . The emotional needs would be the same, certainly, but I imagine the expectations and dynamics of giving and receiving could be very different (though again, I don't know!). I hope some other commenters might chime in about this.
ReplyDeleteMy personal "female fantasy" involves finding someone who will help me get to where I want to go in life-- I want to be able to say, like Marjorie Hinkley, "You have given me wings to fly, and I have loved you for it." There are just gabillions of examples of famous men who have been supported by not-as-famous wives, and it isn't so much that I want to be famous as that I KNOW that support for my own goals is one of the major things I need out of any romantic relationship. It's easy to promise you will be supportive, but tricky to actually keep that promise.
ReplyDeleteBut there is also an element, in this wish, of "where I want to go is where he (already) wants to go, too". I think that this is part of what makes P and P work; though their backgrounds are different, Elizabeth and Darcy are both aware of and striving for a "rational" life, and in the end they find it with each other.
You know what, Cheryl? You make me want to be a better writer. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be brave and publicly admit my love for the film Notting Hill. Ridiculously sappy, it's nonetheless a great example of a love story where the man does not change at all (he is perfect from the opening scene,) but the woman must alter her behavior in order to win him. He does perform an act of contrition at the end, but only after she has changed and because he failed to recognize the change quickly enough. But I think you could say that they are not on equal footing at the start, the woman placed higher than the man, and so they must find equal ground. And the ending montage which shows him having become her support is just beautiful.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite YA romances, Johnny Voodoo by Dakota Lane (1997), involves a storyline where the girl must change in order to understand where the guy is coming from. SPOILER ALERT! (She doesn't make the change in time and unlike Notting Hill, isn't given the chance to make it right, at least not within the pages of the book. Romantic but sad! And whew! Steamy!)
As far as Queen of Attolia, I'm not sure how much she changes for love so much as it is simply a relief for her to relinquish behaviors that were forced upon her by her position.
Ooh, I was also struck by how YA-novel-ish "You Belong with Me" is. Narrative genius in 3 minutes, indeed!
ReplyDeleteI'm also definitely fangirlish about Dorothy Sayers. What makes that romance work so well, IMO, is that Peter and Harriet are so well matched--two strong individuals who complement each other and even if they don't do what each other does exactly, they value it as if they do, if that makes sense. (Or maybe I just love those books because I read them just after I, a writer, married someone who works with incunables...) In any case, my own real-life experience confirms that two already strong people growing each other is more interesting that one person putting another one on a pedestal (or even reforming the other). Like SAC/Marjorie Hinckley said, each person giving the other wings to fly does make a difference.
I so agree with your Taylor Swift analysis....My 17 year old daughter, after playing Swift's music over & over, says that she tires of the songs but never the lyrics....Great books are like that too :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this is a personal question (in which case I apologize for asking) or whether it's an editorial one, but why do you think that the most satisyfing romances are those where two individuals are on equal footing--or put another way, why do serious power imbalances make you uneasy (is this an uneasiness for you, or do you believe most readers feel this way)?
ReplyDeleteDoesn't the Little Mermaid make the sacrifice in one version (non-Disney) of the Anderson tale? The only way for her to become a mermaid again is if she kills the prince--instead she kills herself and she gets to have the chance to become an angel.
Lastly, I realize that Toby Keith may be persona non grata to you, but have you heard GOD LOVE HER by Toby Keith, or more importantly read through the lyrics? It's interesting to see how the songwriters pull together your themes--not quite as skillfully as Taylor Swift, but neat nonetheless.
I started to write an excessively long comment in response to Nona's question, and decided it would be better if I just wrote a blog post about it. So I've taken your 13 elements of fictional romance and looked at them from a lesbian, gay and bisexual perspective on my website. Thanks for such an interesting post!
ReplyDeleteOh, here's my lengthy post/response:
http://www.malindalo.com/2010/09/elements-of-queer-romance/
I'm sorry- I think that I should probably better rephrase my question (I just read it again and thought, "Hmmm."). I understand that love is not limited to men and women, love and all that comes with it is for all people, so the emotions would not change in a gay or lesbian couple- gay men feel the same things when in love as a man and woman. I meant, if a society cannot always see this (unfortunately...it still exists in America, but I have faith...), which aspects of the romance, or the plot, would be emphasized? Would it be the forbidden romance aspect? Ideally, orientation would not matter to anyone in society, but say you set two gay characters in a homophobic society- would this shape the plot?
ReplyDeleteI wish it could be avoided- I wish writing gay characters was no different socially from writing anyone else. And I don't treat them differently, but sooner or later I run into someone who wishes to see the plot revolve around the fact that these two individuals are gay or lesbian, or who simply refuse to read further. But I was curious as to your thoughts.
Sorry that the first one was so poorly phrased. :)
Nona, go read Malinda's link here:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.malindalo.com/2010/09/elements-of-queer-romance/
It's a terrific, exact response to your question.
* speechless *
ReplyDeleteI will never think of a Taylor Swift song the same way again.
Thank you so much for this excellent, intriguing, thought-provoking post!
Brilliant post! :D
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you said about Taylor's lyrics, they portray romance in YA books so well. Also the line you pointed out (you made a rebel out of a careless man's careful daughter), IMMEDIATELY stuck with me. It's so catchy and amazing.
Oh Cheryl, how did you get to be so clever?
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful post, put together with your customary knife-sharp clarity. I'm so glad there are genius editorial mechanics like you out there to fix our broken machines (or make them run more smoothly).
Wow. Reading your analysis of ten words in a Taylor Swift song is giving me flashbacks of M.T. Anderson doing One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish at LA10SCBWI! Insightful post.
ReplyDeleteMay I respond to j?
ReplyDeleteI don't attempt to speak for Cheryl at all in this area, but I think it may have to do with traditional representations of women in literature/art/storytelling/film, etc.
There's nothing wrong with a story of sacrifice-- but I think traditional gender roles have turned our perception of sacrifice. A man sacrificing his life for a woman is seen as romantic and noble because, traditionally, men hold the power. And to give up that power is something profound. A woman doing the same thing for love could be interpreted as needy, crazed, or hysterical.
Also, historically, women have been "unequal" with men. To a modern reader, it can be wearying or sickening to have to read a book with a simpering damsel and a macho hero-- or a Bella and an Edward.
I'd venture that most romance readers are women. And writers, too. I can't imagine wanting to read or write something that put my gender into a place that we've been trying to claw our way out of.
That said, I love this post, Cheryl. It really touches on everything I love about love stories. I went through a phase where I thought love and romance was stupid (I call it my Voldemort era), but this really brings up all of the things that make me love a good romance (when coupled with a lot of good adventure).
Regarding #12 (Being Thought About): I have always enjoyed hearing how my sister feels most loved by her husband when he cleans the bathroom. This from a man who spent years buying her roses and chocolates that meant nada to her. Now, however, he gets her. Now, he folds laundry or scrubs toilets to tell her how deeply he loves her. (Me? I'm all about the gift that says DH is thinking of what object I'd like most to own . . .)
ReplyDeleteThank goodness, now I can like Taylor Swift without feeling shifty about it! Loved your explication of that line.
ReplyDeleteI also thought your list was spot on. Would A Walk to Remember count as two protagonists equally positioned where the guy does all the changing? Of course, she dies, so I don't know if that counts as a happy ending for both of them, even though their relationship is happy.
@Heather Would they be equally positioned? From what I remember, they're socially different-- not in terms of economic means, necessarily, but moral fortitude. She's the goody preacher's daughter, while he's the bad boy, ergo morally bankrupt until whatsherface shows him the moral-compass-calibrating powers of True Love.
ReplyDeleteGranted, I haven't seen that movie since high school, so I may be totally wrong.
What a lovely post! I love Taylor Swift too. I blame my daughter. My favorite romances involve unconditional love. Unfortunately, movie examples spring to mind first. I loved the way Reece traveled back in time to protect John Conner's mom from the Terminator and I loved the way Jack sacraficed everything he had for Rose in Titanic. Funny, James Cameron seems to understand the female psyche so well in his storytelling, but somehow fails in real life. I think Twilight has the same, unconditional acceptance/love theme as well. I'll think of more after I post this I'm sure. ;)
ReplyDeleteWow. I think am going to re-write my entire book based on your post.
ReplyDeleteIf you like Taylor, then you want to check out Tiffany Kira Johnson!
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Hi Cheryl,
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post! I too love that one line from MINE, and had to fully dissect it to figure out its allure!
Did you see Taylor's performance on the VMAS Sunday night? Some say she really put Kanye in his place, but I think it was the ultimate olive branch. Her song (about Kanye) called "Still an Innocent" was so beautiful and full of grace. If you haven't watched it, I think you should! You inspired me to write a post about it!
It occurred to me that Taylor Swift is a genius songwriter, so I googled that to see if anybody else had that idea and came across this website. However, she can hardly be taken seriously by the intellectual crowd since she's country and writes about young people. Beyond the pale.
ReplyDeleteOn Sunday I heard Taylor Swift's "Mine" for the first time (where have I been?) and immediately zeroed in on that Ten Word Line. Since I was driving at the time, and tend to think better when I drive, I got the meaning. Don't we truly appreciate Taylor's way with words! Very spare, poignant, and hitting the mark every time. I am a grandmother many times over, and still identify with Taylor Swift. She had me from her very first record. She is very grounded, despite her fame. This showed, when she and her crew were filming a music video in Kennebunk (Maine) and down around the ocean at Kennebunkport. They all went to Allison's, a well known restaurant in the 'port. Their waitress, a friend of mine, asked Taylor if they all would like to be upstairs where they could have more privacy and eat lunch in peace. Taylor said no, right downstairs would be fine; she would like to be around her fans so they could come say hi if they wanted to. The word from Allison's is, "She is as sweet and down-to-earth as she appears to be."
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about Comment 25 for this post, the one about intellectuals not knowing her work because she's country and writes for young people. That is true. How much better it would be, though, if the intellectuals were to listen carefully to Taylor Swift. And once again. And maybe even read the lyrics, then see what they think. I believe they don't know what they're missing. Intellectual or not, we all had to start somewhere; we all had to grow up. That process isn't partial.
Cheryl, I so enjoy your comments on Taylor Swift's work. Ramble on about her as often as you think of more you want to say about her.
I've been trying to think of any romantic story in which the woman had to change if anything were to come of the relationship, and the only one I can come up with is Notting Hill. Oh, it may be a little bit sappy, as one writer commented, here, but still it is Sweet! For me, it's a keeper as I watch Hugh Grant's character bumble along (and isn't he always good at that),trying so hard to interest Julia Roberts, while Julia's character has to come down to earth and find out who she is.
Thank you, Cheryl, for your Ramble about Romance. I love your posts.
On Sunday I heard Taylor Swift's "Mine" for the first time (where have I been?) and immediately zeroed in on that Ten Word Line. Since I was driving at the time, and tend to think better when I drive, I got the meaning. Don't we truly appreciate Taylor's way with words! Very spare, poignant, and hitting the mark every time. I am a grandmother many times over, and still identify with Taylor Swift. She had me from her very first record. She is very grounded, despite her fame. This showed, when she and her crew were filming a music video in Kennebunk (Maine) and down around the ocean at Kennebunkport. They all went to Allison's, a well known restaurant in the 'port. Their waitress, a friend of mine, asked Taylor if they all would like to be upstairs where they could have more privacy and eat lunch in peace. Taylor said no, right downstairs would be fine; she would like to be around her fans so they could come say hi if they wanted to. The word from Allison's is, "She is as sweet and down-to-earth as she appears to be."
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about Comment 25 for this post, the one about intellectuals not knowing her work because she's country and writes for young people. That is true. How much better it would be, though, if the intellectuals were to listen carefully to Taylor Swift. And once again. And maybe even read the lyrics, then see what they think. I believe they don't know what they're missing. Intellectual or not, we all had to start somewhere; we all had to grow up. That process isn't partial.
Cheryl, I so enjoy your comments on Taylor Swift's work. Ramble on about her as often as you think of more you want to say about her.
I've been trying to think of any romantic story in which the woman had to change if anything were to come of the relationship, and the only one I can come up with is Notting Hill. Oh, it may be a little bit sappy, as one writer commented, here, but still it is Sweet! For me, it's a keeper as I watch Hugh Grant's character bumble along (and isn't he always good at that),trying so hard to interest Julia Roberts, while Julia's character has to come down to earth and find out who she is.
Thank you, Cheryl, for your Ramble about Romance. I love your posts.
On Sunday I heard Taylor Swift's "Mine" for the first time (where have I been?) and immediately zeroed in on that Ten Word Line. Since I was driving at the time, and tend to think better when I drive, I got the meaning. Don't we truly appreciate Taylor's way with words! Very spare, poignant, and hitting the mark every time. I am a grandmother many times over, and still identify with Taylor Swift. She had me from her very first record. She is very grounded, despite her fame. This showed, when she and her crew were filming a music video in Kennebunk (Maine) and down around the ocean at Kennebunkport. They all went to Allison's, a well known restaurant in the 'port. Their waitress, a friend of mine, asked Taylor if they all would like to be upstairs where they could have more privacy and eat lunch in peace. Taylor said no, right downstairs would be fine; she would like to be around her fans so they could come say hi if they wanted to. The word from Allison's is, "She is as sweet and down-to-earth as she appears to be."
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about Comment 25 for this post, the one about intellectuals not knowing her work because she's country and writes for young people. That is true. How much better it would be, though, if the intellectuals were to listen carefully to Taylor Swift. And once again. And maybe even read the lyrics, then see what they think. I believe they don't know what they're missing. Intellectual or not, we all had to start somewhere; we all had to grow up. That process isn't partial.
Cheryl, I so enjoy your comments on Taylor Swift's work. Ramble on about her as often as you think of more you want to say about her.
I've been trying to think of any romantic story in which the woman had to change if anything were to come of the relationship, and the only one I can come up with is Notting Hill. Oh, it may be a little bit sappy, as one writer commented, here, but still it is Sweet! For me, it's a keeper as I watch Hugh Grant's character bumble along (and isn't he always good at that),trying so hard to interest Julia Roberts, while Julia's character has to come down to earth and find out who she is.
Thank you, Cheryl, for your Ramble about Romance. I love your posts.
On Sunday I heard Taylor Swift's "Mine" for the first time (where have I been?) and immediately zeroed in on that Ten Word Line. Since I was driving at the time, and tend to think better when I drive, I got the meaning. Don't we truly appreciate Taylor's way with words! Very spare, poignant, and hitting the mark every time. I am a grandmother many times over, and still identify with Taylor Swift. She had me from her very first record. She is very grounded, despite her fame. This showed, when she and her crew were filming a music video in Kennebunk (Maine) and down around the ocean at Kennebunkport. They all went to Allison's, a well known restaurant in the 'port. Their waitress, a friend of mine, asked Taylor if they all would like to be upstairs where they could have more privacy and eat lunch in peace. Taylor said no, right downstairs would be fine; she would like to be around her fans so they could come say hi if they wanted to. The word from Allison's is, "She is as sweet and down-to-earth as she appears to be."
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about Comment 25 for this post, the one about intellectuals not knowing her work because she's country and writes for young people. That is true. How much better it would be, though, if the intellectuals were to listen carefully to Taylor Swift. And once again. And maybe even read the lyrics, then see what they think. I believe they don't know what they're missing. Intellectual or not, we all had to start somewhere; we all had to grow up. That process isn't partial.
Cheryl, I so enjoy your comments on Taylor Swift's work. Ramble on about her as often as you think of more you want to say about her.
I've been trying to think of any romantic story in which the woman had to change if anything were to come of the relationship, and the only one I can come up with is Notting Hill. Oh, it may be a little bit sappy, as one writer commented, here, but still it is Sweet! For me, it's a keeper as I watch Hugh Grant's character bumble along (and isn't he always good at that),trying so hard to interest Julia Roberts, while Julia's character has to come down to earth and find out who she is.
Thank you, Cheryl, for your Ramble about Romance. I love your posts.
In Aimee Bender's An Invisible Sign of My Own, the main character, Mona Gray, changes her nature for the new science teacher she is falling in love with. But really, she doesn't change just for him--she changes for herself, which is great. But I think his character inspires her and challenges her to make that change. In the end, she consciously changes the familiar, unhealthy behavior she used to practice in the relationship to something that draws them together.
ReplyDeleteTaylor Swift is a genius. She is a lyrical genius, who is able to portray what every girl is thinking beautifully and effectively. Her lyrics are not only unbelievably well-written, but so relatable for every single teenager going through the daily struggles. Honestly, I've loved Taylor since 2008. "Love Story" had me hooked right from the beginning, and since then, I've never left her side (and I never will). When I'm upset, I honestly can just go through my Taylor playlist and find a song that corresponds to my situation. I listen to it on repeat and I feel better, because, she is one of my best friends. No, I can't call her up and talk about it. But I don't need to. Because all I need, sometimes, is to know that someone in the world feels the same way I do - that they've gone through the same things I have. And her lyrics help me know that, so much.
ReplyDeleteShe will always be my absolute favourite, because her music has been there for me when no one else has.
I completely agree about her lyrics - they're absolutely excellent and so beautifully written, and I don't think she receives enough credit as a songwriter. It's truly powerful.
Thanks so much for this post. :) And if you've read this, thank you, because it is pretty long!