Sunday, December 27, 2009

A Goodbye

My grandfather, Philip Anthony Sadler, passed away on December 25. He served for nearly thirty years as a professor of children's literature at the University of Central Missouri, where he founded and for all those years ran their Children's Literature Festival, which remains one of the largest such events in the United States. He had been sick in various ways -- a stroke, lymphoma, heart trouble -- for years, but none of the illnesses ever dampened his mind or his spirit, and we were fortunate to be able to see him right before Christmas, when he died in peace. He is survived by my mother, his daughter, Becky Klein, and her husband Alan; his daughter-in-law, Leslie Hart, and her husband Jon; my sister, Melissa Jackson, and her husband Joe; my cousins Diana Sadler and Bruce Sadler; many dear friends, especially Floyd and Susan Pentlin, Naomi Williamson, and many authors; three brothers, Graham, Milton, and Paul Sadler, and their wives; and my boyfriend James, and me. He was eighty years old.

Those are the facts; and we are left with the feelings that accompany them, the simultaneous lack and multiplicity of connection that signify death. The lack is in the absence, the knowledge that he is no longer there, at the other end of a phone line or e-mail, loving oysters, Jessica Fletcher, and good books; wearing his grandpa sweaters; complaining about modern-dress productions at the Kansas City Lyric Opera -- for me specifically, that he will not be at ALA Midwinter in Boston in three weeks, moving determinedly through the exhibition halls on his cane. And then the multiplicity is in the connections that we try (or I try) to fill that absence with: that a piece of pecan pie at Marie Callender's can stop me for a moment, make me think how much he loved it; that a side remark in a conversation can touch off the story he told often and all his grandchildren can recite by heart, climaxing with "Mizz Sadler, your boys are talkin' nasty!" in a full Southern accent. Those memories, our knowledge of how well he died, saying goodbye, all of that, cannot compensate for the the hole in our worlds right now; and I imagine there might always be a Papa-shaped space in my life, as I can still feel out the edges of a Grandma-shaped space some days. But we go on around those edges, living the lives we've made by being the people they made of us.

This is especially true for me, because I owe my entire present life as a children's book editor in New York to my grandfather. He gave me his review copies of children's books for years and years, so I never stopped reading them, even when I had long supposedly outgrown them. He introduced me to the world of book people through the Festival -- that there were authors who made these books, that they were consciously grown and shaped. He unconsciously taught me to associate the literary life with culture and travel and cosmopolitanism, so that when I was ten or twelve years old, my great goal in life was to be a children's literature professor just like him. He knew how appreciative I was of these gifts, I'm glad to say, and knew also the one way I could think of to repay him: My book, when it appears next year, will be dedicated to him and my grandmother. For now, I'm still so grateful for my life, the family he helped create and bring together, his presence with us for so many years, the books, always; and the best I can do is to do well by them.

Goodbye, Papa, and love, and thank you.

42 comments:

  1. Cheryl, what a beautiful, beautiful tribute to a clearly very remarkable man who has left his imprint on many including you. We are lucky he was in this world. My sympathies to you and your family.

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  2. A beautiful post, Cheryl. My condolences to you all.

    The Best Christmas Pageant Ever was my all-time favorite Christmas story as a child, and I remember you posting something about your grandfather in relation to this work, but I cannot recall what.

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  3. What a wonderful tribute to your grandfather who sounds like he was a remarkable man. No wonder you became a children's book editor with his sharing his love of children's books all through your childhood and growing up years! I send my very best wishes and virtual hugs.

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  4. Sending your family thoughts of comfort during this time.

    Colleen Ryckert Cook

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  5. Cheryl, you have my deepest sympathies. Thank you so much for sharing a little bit of your grandfather with us.
    You've got all my best thoughts.
    Angela

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  6. Delicious piece of writing, especially around the edges. Makes me wish I'd known the man.

    Your granddad would be proud.

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  7. Fantastic tribute, Cheryl. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. :-)

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  8. Thanks for sharing the memories of your grandfather with us. He will always live on in your heart. My prayers go out to you and your family.

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  9. Cheryl, all my sympathies to you and your family. Our family has also recently suffered the loss of our patriarch - my husband's grandfather - but the memories we carry forever are so wonderful to have.

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  10. Cheryl, I read your blog often and was saddened to learn of your Papa's passing. Such an amazing man. Such a meaningful legacy. I'm so glad you had the joy of having him help shape your life with such substance and meaning.
    With sympathy for that hole that is left behind,
    Donna

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  11. Cheryl, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time. I hope you are comforted in knowing that you are not alone in this time of grief and that many share in celebrating the wonderful life of your grandfather.

    On Sunday his name will be inscribed into the Book of Remembrance here in Rome at the Caravita Oratory.

    Larry

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  12. I'm sorry for your loss, Cheryl.

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  13. Cheryl, I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your grandfather. From the beautiful words you have written, I have no doubt that his amazing legacy will live on in his family and in the world of children's literature.

    Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

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  14. What a wonderful tribute! I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  15. Cheryl -- Your posting popped up in a Google alert or I wouldn't have seen it otherwise. Phil would be so proud of the tribute. His contribution to the state of Missouri for getting children and books together will last for years.

    So many areas of my life will be forever changed by his absence. And besides, I will never find anyone who could add so many commas to something he was proofreading for me or who could fuss ever more forcefully that "Macbeth" should never be restaged in the Roaring '20s.

    "Requiscat in Pace"

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  16. Cheryl,

    I stop by your blog often and was saddened to hear this news. Your grandfather sounds like a treasure, and your post is lovely, lovely. My prayers are with you and your family.

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  17. This is beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    My own grandfather passed away last April. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

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  18. From all of us teachers/librarians in the state of Missouri who have passed through his CMSU classes--we are sorry to hear of his passing.

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  19. Oh,Cheryl, this is beautiful. Sending much love, many prayers, and big hugs.

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  20. I am so sorry, Cheryl. What a lovely appreciation. Your deep understanding of who he was shines in every word.

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  21. This is wonderful. I lost my grandfather in October. My condolences to you and your family.

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  22. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Cheryl. But thank you for the beautiful memorial.

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  23. A lovely post that brought tears to my eyes and memories of my own Papa. How blessed you were to have such an amazing man in your life.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time.

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  24. Cheryl,
    I was privileged to have had your grandfather as a teacher and friend for over 25 years. He was always so pleasant, positive and fun to be around. We shared a passion for children's literature, proper English, and a dislike of country music. I remember how helpful he was during our state library conferences - always running errands and lifting the boxes too heavy for the rest of us. I know how very special you and your success was to him as he was delighted to brag about you on many occasions. He lives on in the gifts that he left each of us.
    Sheryl

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  25. May the God of peace wrap you up in his comfort and let you grieve this loss.

    Just yesterday (standing over a sales clothes rack at Kohl's) someone commented on the recent loss of my granddad. They said, "Well somethings you never get over, you just get through." I believe that is well said.

    May you find a way to get through this and honor him with your life and your work.

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  26. I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a wonderful man who accomplished great things in his lifetime. My sympathies go out to you and your family.

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  27. You are your grandfather's living legacy. Keep on with your work. It is the best tribute you can give him.

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  28. A lovely, heartfelt tribute to a man I wish I'd had the opportunity to meet. He must have been so very proud of you.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  29. Thank you so much for sharing your memories. My prayers are with you and your family.

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  30. Cheryl, We have talked before about children's publishing and editing over the phone. I had your grandfather for three classes and worked at the festival for about 5 years. It was great. I helped change the Ward Edwards children's literature collection from LC to Dewey and witnessed the merger of the Lab School collection into the Ward Edwards collection now at the new library. I have now applied to Ohio State University Literature for children and young adult program in part because of the influence of your grandfather. He will be greatly missed.
    Mark Luetkemeyer

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  31. Cheryl, we were very sorry to hear of your Papa's passing. Please add us to the list of friends that are sharing your sorrow. Our best to your mom and dad,
    Bill and Barb Dooley

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  32. I'm so sorry for your loss. He has left an incredible legacy.

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  33. Cheryl, I am so sorry for your loss. Grandfathers are such a blessing. Your tribute to him was lovely. I am sure he would be honored by your book dedication. I'll keep you in my prayers.

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  34. Cheryl, I'm so sorry for your loss, and appreciate you sharing your amazing grandfather with us, and so beautifully, too. My grandpa died Dec. 26, 2008. It's a bittersweet time to go, and I'm glad that, for both of our grandfathers, it was a peaceful passing. Blessings to you.
    Kellye Crocker

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  35. Cheryl, what a beautiful tribute to your grandfather. I would see him sometimes at MASL and at ALA when he was with Floyd. He was really proud of the work that you do. My condolences to you and your family.
    Marianne

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  37. Cheryl - what a lovely tribute to a man who sounds inspiring, fascinating and loving.

    I hope your cherished memories fill the hole left by his absence.

    Hugs.

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  38. Cheryl, I have your blog bookmarked and am glad I checked it today. The tribute to your grandfather was inspiring and brought back joyous memories of my parents. Thinking of you, Georgann Metheny

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  39. Cheryl,
    I had the privilege of not only having your grandfather as an instructor but also calling him friend. In class, I argued that an author had put too many emergency situations in his then Mark Twain Award nominee book; Phil did not think so! Later as I took a leadership role in the Missouri Association of School Librarians, I traveled to national conferences with Phil, Aileen, Floyd, and others. At one conference, he was so proud to introduce you to several of us from Missouri. He bragged about you often. The world of children's literature has lost a tremendous advocate. However, the legacy of the Literature Festival and the work you do live on. Your words are a touching reminder of your grandfather and his life's work.
    Judy Daniel

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  40. Cheryl, I heard you speak yesterday at the Austin SCBWI and wanted to check out your blog. I was stunned to read your goodbye to your grandpa because of your description of the "papa filled place". I lost my dad a year and a half ago and that is the perfect description for what I feel. Thank you for that. My sympathies to you and your family over the loss of your dearly loved grandpa. Rebecca Rivinius

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  41. Hello,
    Really great information here... Very interesting.... I like your blog. Thanks very much for sharing...

    Thanks!

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