Saturday, April 26, 2008

Baby Got Book

(Inspired by this shirt on ShelfTalker, I wrote new lyrics for this classic Sir Mix-A-Lot song of my youth.)

[Female voice]
Oh, my, god, Becky, look at her book. It is so big. *scoff* She looks like, one of those, librarians' girlfriends. But, you know, who understands those librarians? *scoff* They only talk to her, because, she looks like a total bibliovore, 'kay? I mean, her book, is just so big. *scoff* I can't believe it's just so thick. It's like, out there. I mean -- gross. Look! She's just so ... smart!

[Sir Reads-a-Lot]
I like big books and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with a big fat book
And glasses on her face
You're all thrilled, wanna talk to her quick
'Cause you notice she's reading Dickens
Deep in the tote she's carrying
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And read you all night
My homeboys tried to adjust me
But that text you got makes me Book Lust-y
Ooh, Tolkein -- elves!
You say you wanna get in my shelves?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average bookie
I've seen them readin'
To hell with their speedin'
She's Zinn, Prynne,
Got it goin' like Jane Austen
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' e-readers are the thing
Take the average intellectual and ask him that
She gotta cook much book
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got big books? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to read it! (Read it!) Read it! (Read it!)
Read that healthy tome!
Baby got book!

(LA face with New York volume)
Baby got book!

I like pages galore
And when I'm in an indie bookstore
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna take 'em all home
And uhh, double-up, uhh, uhh
I ain't talking 'bout Dan Brown
'Cause his books are made for clowns
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy novel
Reads-A-Lot will grovel
Beggin' for a piece of that cover
So I'm lookin' at bestsellers
Patterson and them fellers --
Give me Joseph Heller
And I'll keep my women fine spellers
A word to the bookmarked sisters, I wanna get with ya
Good grammar's my bit, yeah
And I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *read*
Till the break of dawn
Tolstoy got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to slim it and skim it
And I'd rather drink and think
'Cause I'm glossy, and I'm saucy
And I'm down to be your Mr. Darcy
So, ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies! (Yeah!)
You wanna roll in my barouche? (Hell yeah!)
Then open up! Ain't no doubt!
Even Steve Jobs got to shout
Baby got book!

Baby got book!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with my selection. Two hundred pages? Ha ha, only if that's one chapter.

So your girlfriend reads like Ripa, with audiobooks on her speakers
But audio ain't the same thing, it's just cheatin'
My tall bookshelves they don't want none
Unless you've got spine, hon
You can do side bends or sit-ups
But please don't lose that brain
Some brothers full of folderol
Gonna tell you that your books ain't gold
So they don't beck you, reject you
And I pull up quick to recheck you
So Cosmo says it's bad to be smart
That ain't my library cart!
'Cause your mind is open and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' 'bout stickin'
To Paris and Lindsay in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a reader, I'll feed her,
Pullman and Franzen need her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause Harry Potter's on your list
Guy might read but he's still a fool
Eight hundred pages so cool
So ladies, if lit's your love
And you wanna make like Nabokov
Dial 1-800-READSALOT
And we'll read those banned novels.
Baby got book!

(Little in the middle but she got much book) [4x]

55 comments:

  1. That is awesome.

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  2. I'm thinking you need to make a You Tube video.

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  3. That was the best thing I have laid eyes on this week.

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  4. Pure genius, that. I especially love the opening and:

    So ladies, if lit's your love
    And you wanna make like Nabokov

    Bahahaha!

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  5. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    please, please, please make this into a You Tube!

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  6. Hey, Cheryl, have you seen this one? In this case, "book" is The Book, aka, the Bible. It's pretty funny.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTYr3JuueF4

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  7. AHAHAHAHA!! This is really really funny!!!
    Love it, LOL!

    And thanks for the embedded links, especially the last one.

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  8. I worship your greatness. This is fantastic! (And the original is one of my favorite running songs..... when will you be recording your version?)

    Laurie

    ps - is it ok if I link to this on my blog?

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  9. Thanks for the kind words, all!

    All links welcome (and appreciated!). And I know nothing about making YouTube videos, but if someone else is inspired to do so, you have my blessing.

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  10. This post qualifies in my book as "an absolute hoot."

    I like big books and I cannot lie... Ha!

    I'm picturing Donkey (from Shrek) singing this...

    Bring on the big books!

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  11. YOU need to be running the Hip Hop History tour.

    "Ooh, Tolkein - elves!
    You say you wanna get in my shelves?"

    Hee! (to the infinite power)

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  12. Your rap absolutely made my week-end. Completely hilarious and well-done. Thanks for brightening my day. You must perform this at a conference.

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  13. I was thinking last night (yes, I do that) and it occurred to me this would make a terrific promo/Public Service Announcement. The rap could be built up from clips of different writers, (respectable) celebrities, world leaders, sports heroes, or even just people on the street, each saying just one line or part of a line. For a PSA you'd only want a 30 to 60 second segment, but the long form would be great for conferences and YouTube.

    The influence of such a spot could be huge, especially if it were done with faces that teens and kids recognize and look up to. Imagine one line coming from J.K., followed by Eli and Payton Manning, then Stephen King, then Maya Angelou, then Drake and Josh, Tiger Woods, Stephen Hawking, etc.— even Sir Mix-a-lot himself. Also interspersed could be "ordinary" people in identifiable settings (lawyers and judges in a courtroom, engineers in a plant, scientists in a lab, doctors in an ER, etc.), everything combining to send the message that successful people in multiple fields *read* and read big books (and have fun doing so).

    It'd be a hit.

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  14. *tickled with laughter!*

    Good God, Cheryl, if I had a "Happiness of the week" thing, this would be mine for sure!

    You're all thrilled, wanna talk to her quick

    My side hurts with all that laughing!

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  15. Brilliant! I, too, would love to hear this recorded. I love Howard Shirley's idea about making it a public service announcement. He's right...it would be a hit!

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  16. 'Cause I'm glossy, and I'm saucy
    And I'm down to be your Mr. Darcy

    Hahahaha! Love it! And I agree, this is total YouTube material. There's this version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTYr3JuueF4

    But it's about Big Bibles ;)

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  17. That's brilliant.

    Gosh, I'd love to see that public service video, if it were ever made.

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  18. this is HILARIOUS!

    I was actually...rapping this. Which says a lot of extremely sad things about me.

    But I love this.

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  19. If anything could resuscitate Sir Mix-a-Lot's career, it would be this. Comedy gold, right there!

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  20. heh little in the middle but she's got much book.

    Thanks for the laugh!!!

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  21. Booyah! Totally awesome!

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  22. OMG! that is absolutely fabulous! haha I love it!

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  23. OMG. Love it!! I've linked on my blog as well.

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  24. This is the best thing I've seen all month. Perfectly done, Cheryl.

    I saw two groups of teens performing "Baby Got Back" to a Playstation karaoke game (backed by the video) this weekend. With the audience cheering along. So I think the song has more name recognition to kids than I would've guessed.

    Please, someone, do that PSA and/or a YouTube video!

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  25. That is similar to the one posted last year at this link -

    http://symposiarch.livejournal.com/849047.html

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  26. I've read this a couple of times this week. It just makes me giggle out loud each time. I consider it my cardio exercise for the day!

    Aunt Carol

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  27. Thanks for the link, Anonymous! I felt sure someone had done this before me. And I was glad to see that person used "down to get the fiction on" -- I had to sacrifice that for the Mr. Darcy line and regretted it. :-)

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  28. Cheryl, I'd say that you are one Ton Loc parody away from challenging Weird Al to a dance-off. Now *that* I'd watch on You Tube.

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  29. How clever! You really cheered a small town Illinois library worker up!

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  30. This is just hilarious!
    Gonna share it with my 'peeps' on GoodReads.com!

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  31. I think this is the best thing I have read in a while...thanks for the smile!

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  32. Cool post as for me. I'd like to read a bit more concerning this topic.
    By the way look at the design I've made myself Overnight escorts

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  33. uh. WOW. WOW. WOW.
    you want to enter my rhyming query-contest with this piece of magical art?? (you can win $100! hehe)

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  34. Ha! That's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

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  35. ROFL!!! This. Is. Awesome.

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  36. That was me up above. I'm uncertain as to what blogger was thinking when I posted that comment. :)

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  37. Oh my goodness, Cheryl. This is wonderful. The most wonderful thing ever!

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  38. Really, really great. Do you mind if I suggest performing this as a class project (my creative writing class graduates in June and we're supposed to do a funny ski))?

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  39. Gray, go for it! I'd just like credit, please. (And if you tape it, please upload it to YouTube and send me the link!)

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  40. Cheryl, here's the link to the Animoto video I made from your very clever adaption.

    http://animoto.com/play/J36JxsHafs0RKrTBHUHmgg

    FYI, Janet Reid posted a challenge on Twitter--that if someone would perform your rap, she'd read their mss. So, I had to give it a whirl. I couldn't do justice to your poem, but it was fun putting it together. I think I'll stick to writing rather than rapping for self-expression.

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  41. Gray, this made me INSANELY HAPPY. You wouldn't mind if I posted the video here on my blog, would you?

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  42. I'm so happy it made you happy. If it's any good, it's all you, Cheryl. This goes to show that even someone who raps like me can't ruin an inspired send-up. So post away. Virtual tomatoes can't hurt me. Cheers!

    "G-Mart" (that's my new rappin' name)

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  43. aww... this is too cool i am very impressed. ^_^

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