Monday, April 03, 2006

You May Call Me "Reverend Cheryl"

I am pleased to announce that, as of 6:04 this evening, I am a registered minister of the Universal Life Church. According to the guidelines provided by the church, I am now able to:

  • "Perform marriages within any US state, following the rules laid out by the state in which you wish to perform said marriage."
  • "Perform funerals, baptisms, last rites or any other sort of legal ceremony or ritual you wish to perform, except circumcision."
  • "Start a church of your own, be it a bricks and mortar building or on the internet."
  • "Absolve others of their sins as you have been absolved of yours."

Despite these extensive new abilities, no great career change is in the offing -- my only plans are to officiate my cousin Hans's wedding this coming May. (Indeed, Hans and Megan's request that I do so was the sole reason for my ordination.) But if you want me to perform your wedding, funeral, baptism, last rite, or any other sort of legal ceremony or ritual except circumcision (ahem), do just let me know.

Now on to the really Big Question . . . What should I wear???


  1. Did you know, your eminence, for an extra fifty bucks you could have been a "Swami"?

    My hub has been a ULC minister for years and done bunches of weddings including one barefoot on the beach and a cowboy one. (Young men in jeans, frock coats and big black hats = adorable.)

    I would recommend having some high priestess robes tailored up, maybe a headdress or two.



  2. Reverend Cheryl,

    I wish for you to absolve me of the following sins:

    Comma, misplacement.

    Composing run-on sentences that just go on and on but never really end for paragraphs but I'm sure you know what I mean and don't really need this explanation.

    I sometimes end a sentence with a preposition, which I am horrible about.

    I often use too many lovely adverbs.

    I mispel werds evun tho I hav spel chek.

    And, among other things, I begin sentences with "and."

    Really though, congratulations on becoming a minister. This brings up the sin of sentence fragmentation. Please absolve that sin as well.

    As for what you should wear, I suggest you wear clothing of some sort, unless your cousin is planning on a nudist wedding. :-)

  3. Bless me Cheryl, for I have sinned...
    How cute for you to "marry" your cousin. (and very "redneck" of you too;) ) Seriously, what a great memory for them!

    I totally vote for the High Priestess robes.

    Why do I have a little voice in my head screaming, "I WANT TO BE A MINISTER TOO!" I hear a foot stomping as well.

  4. Does this mean you have the power to grant indulgences? If so, do you prefer payment in sheep or digestive biscuits?

  5. Just don't dress like the Burger King guy. He freaks me out.

    How about a silk dress with a mandarin collar?

    What do you think they'd do if you started speaking like the priest in The Princess Bride?

    I went to law school with a couple who were really into Star Wars and the bride walked down the church aisle to that Star Wars "dah-dah-de-dah-dah-de-dah-dah" song.

  6. Congratulations! If you haven't already, check out the Seminary. We'd be glad to have you!

  7. I've always loved the line that ministers say at the end of weddings, "By the power vested in me...." (I think because my minister always said it with such authority, as if he was knighting someone) and when I was little, I really thought that had something to do with vests.

    So I vote for wearing a vest.

  8. just a warning to doublecheck the legality of a ULC-officiated ceremony with a lawyer. in some states, New York being one of them, ULC-officiated marriages have been successfully challenged.

    (just one of many random things you learn when planning weddings...)

  9. If the ULC doesn't work out for your cousin's wedding, you can try the Church of Spiritual Humanism. The Honorable Eric H. can be your doctrinal mentor :)

  10. Wow, this is maybe the coolest thing on Earth. It makes me want to have a Life Event at which you can officiate. Like, tomorrow.

    I think an outfit with flowing sleeves, a flowing skirt, and a flowered wreath in your hair would work nicely, perhaps a silk rope belt should be involved as well--hmm, I think fits into the high priestess robes/headdress idea.

  11. While I will probably end up marrying in the monstrocity that is the Catholic Church, I want you there as the official High Priestess!